


lost and found eachother (so don't leave me alone)

by girlsinthestars



Series: Roswell Fix-it [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-08 23:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19877539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsinthestars/pseuds/girlsinthestars
Summary: Part 2 to 'you have family here (with me)'. Alex is afraid of losing Michael, afraid of being too much, and he can't tell him. Michael and Liz are close to bringing Max back, but that only adds to Alex's worries.orThere are so many communication issues with these two I had to do something about it.





	lost and found eachother (so don't leave me alone)

Alex was going to have lunch with Liz, Maria, and Rosa. Things had been getting back on track, their lives returning to some semblance of normal. He had finally gotten his honorable discharge, he hadn’t quite decided what he wanted a career in now, but it was a small town so it was easy enough for him to pick up odd jobs working with computers around town, and with that on top of his pension from the military and his savings, he was alright for at least a month or so. Liz had gotten another job in research at the hospital, it wasn’t quite her dream field but with everything with Rosa and Max she wasn’t quite ready to leave town again just yet. They had told Arturo the truth, Rosa said she couldn’t bear to keep lying to her father, he had taken the news fairly well, considering. And to everyone else Liz’s cousin had simply moved into town, Rosa was still her 19 year old self so, despite clearly looking like Rosa, no one suspected she was her, because she would have been 29 by now. She went by Hope around town, her choice, it was ‘poetic’ she said. And Maria. Things with Maria had been tense for a bit, she had never kept secrets, never lied to him, but it was still awkward. They were in love with the same man, it wasn’t going to be business as usual. But Alex was grateful, that she was such a kind person, that she had made Michael check in with himself, that she had been there for him even though his choice hurt her, that she was so consistently supportive. Liz and Isobel had told her not a week after everything went down, they had to, she had started asking about Michael’s hand, about Max’s disappearance (as far as the rest of the town was concerned for now, he had gone on a holiday), and besides, she was so intertwined in everything now it was really only a matter of time before someone told her, even if she hadn’t asked. They spent more time together these days than they had in over a decade, and not just because they were all finally back home, but because so much had happened. There wasn’t really anyone else they could really talk to.

“We’re close.” Liz told him, as soon as he sat down. “Michael and I, we’re thinking a week, maybe two, then we’ll take Max out of the stasis pod and test Michael’s new abilities.”

Alex tried to hide his shock. He knew, obviously, that Liz and Michael had been working on developing his potential for healing, a mixture of some kind of power enhancing serum they had managed to concoct based off of the cure Liz had made for Isobel and practice. But he had thought it would take them years to decide Michael was ready. Because bringing someone back from the dead had killed Max, and he had been using those powers for far longer than Michael. 

Alex and Michael’s relationship was as complicated as ever but they were working on it. They made time to see each other every other day or so, taking the time to just spend time together, small steps, you know? And Alex really, really didn’t want to lose him before any of this could even get off the ground.

But Liz was happy. This was her chance to get the man she loved back. And Alex wasn’t about to tell her it wasn’t worth it, not when the fire that had always burned so bright behind her eyes was finally back. So he forced his face into a grin and took Liz’s hand across the table.

“That’s amazing!”

Maria and Rosa both saw right through him, he could tell by the sympathetic look Rosa gave him and the hand Maria placed over his. 

Maria quickly changed the subject and they ate lunch without another mention of Max’s resurrection.

* * *

Michael came over that evening, letting himself in with the key Alex had given him and flopping down onto the couch next to him.

“Long day?” Alex asked.

“Mm, doesn’t matter now.” He replied, his heading finding its way onto Alex’s lap.

“Liz says you guys are nearly ready.” Alex hadn’t planned on bringing it up, he didn’t want Michael to know about his fears, they had agreed not to get too intense. Michael looked up at him, his eyes flicking across Alex’s face like he was trying to find something.

“Yeah,” He said at last, his eyes flicking away, “I’m getting good, brought a dog back to life today.”

Alex nodded. “Good. That’s… Good.”

Michael closed his eyes. “Exhausting though, you mind if I take a quick nap?”

“No.” Alex said quietly, reaching down Michael’s arm to grab his hand, his other hand threading into Michael’s hair, knowing how much it calmed him. As long as Michael was here now they would be okay. For now it was enough.

There were so many things Alex was desperate to talk to Michael about, but Michael didn’t want complicated. Michael wanted simple and easy and comforting. So Alex wasn’t about to tell him about all of his insecurities and fears, wasn’t about to ruin this fragile semblance of a normal developing relationship they had. Besides Michael had enough on his mind as it was. Alex wanted to be a relief to him, a safe place to come home to, not more to worry about.

But he wasn’t okay. And it wasn’t just that he was scared of losing Michael in the process of resurrecting Max. The things he had told Michael that night, the guilt he couldn’t quite shake. He still hadn’t shaken it. And he didn’t want to blame Michael but everything he said, about Alex being tied up in all these horrible memories, it amplified everything. No matter how much Michael had reassured him that it wasn’t about him, that he had nothing to apologise, he still saw it, a slight flicker in Michael’s eyes, a shift in his expression, gone as quick as it came but he still felt it in his gut. Got it caught in his mind to reappear later in his dreams. He had meant what he said, he wasn’t ready to give up on this, he didn’t want to be with someone who felt nothing but happiness when he looked at him, he wanted Michael.

Michael shifted against his legs, rolling onto his back and opening his eyes. Alex instinctively dropped his hand from Michael’s hair.

“Don’ stop on account of me.” Michael mumbled, reaching for Alex’s hand and putting it back on his head.

“I have to make our dinner.” Alex said, because he really didn’t want Michael to see him cry.

“Alright, fine, you may leave.” Michael joked, shifting off of Alex’s lap and onto the couch, clearly too tired to notice Alex’s tone, thankfully.

Alex all but made a break for it into the kitchen. His leg was beginning to chafe and he knew he should go back to Michael and ask him if he could help with cooking so he didn’t have to keep using it but the thought of showing any kind of vulnerability right now made him feel sick.

Michael wasn’t stupid though, and he knew Alex, as much as he tried to hide. He came into the kitchen about 15 minutes later, wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“Hey, I can take over.” He said softly.

Alex gratefully leant back against him. “Yeah, alright.”

That’s what he loved about Michael. He knew when Alex wanted help but couldn’t ask, and he knew how to offer it in such a way that Alex didn’t instinctively say no.

“Go take the prosthetic off, I’ve got this covered.”

Alex headed for his room, pausing to look back at Michael, who was humming under his breath and stirring the pasta sauce. He really loved him, and he really loved where they were at, they had never had this before, this kind of domestic familiarity, like a normal relationship. It was something Alex never thought he would be able to have, especially not with Michael, but here he was, watching Michael make him dinner.

* * *

_ Michael fell, listless next to Max. Everyone rushed to Max, checking him as his chest began to rise and fall, his heart starting up again. But Alex went to Michael. Lifting him into his lap, the worry twisting in his stomach growing when Michael didn’t respond or move. The world around him, his friends who were just beginning to notice something was wrong, it all disappeared as he tentatively pressed his fingers to Michael’s neck, searching for a pulse. A pulse he couldn’t find. A pulse that wasn’t there. He was a soldier. He had been in this position before, he reminded himself. But he didn’t have any duty to perform, anywhere to be, all he had was the growing ache and panic that spread through his mind and body. The feeling that his world ended here, today, with Michael. _

Alex woke to that feeling. Like there was a gaping hole in his soul. Once again he wished Michael would stay the night. He needed Michael here, needed to be able to physically remind himself that Michael wasn’t dead, wasn’t going to die. But he wasn’t. Alex could call him. He never did. It was the middle of the night, Michael would absolutely be asleep. He just had to deal on his own. So he got up, he had a shower, he did his physiotherapy exercises, he made breakfast. By the time he ran out of things to do it was 5:48 am.

Eventually he called Liz. He couldn’t keep pacing his house, he needed to get out.

“You’re up early, still on military time?” Liz answered the phone after one ring.

“Something like that, do you have time to get breakfast?”

“Come over, I’ll put some eggs on.”

“Thank you.”

Alex let himself into the diner, the jukebox was playing and he could hear Liz cooking in the back. He followed the sound and found Liz humming to herself, dancing around the kitchen as she worked, apparently making a full english for them. 

“It’s good to see you happy.”

Liz jumped at his voice, hitting him with the cloth she had had thrown over her shoulder.

“How long have you been there?”

“Not long.”

She really did look happy, for the first time in at least a month, for the first time since she found Rosa alive and Max dead. Alex didn’t know Max very well but he was pretty prepared to punch him if they finally got him back. How could he have been so stupid? Alex had watched Liz grieve her sister for a decade, she was only just beginning to accept it. Then Max somehow decided sacrificing himself to bring Rosa back would help her. All he had done was made the last ten years of mourning a waste and given her a fresh wound. If they hadn’t been able to work out a way to bring him back Alex was sure it would have broken her. Even with the hope of getting him back this past month she had been… heartbroken, deeper than that though, looking like a part of her soul had been chipped away. That’s why Alex couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t tell her that he didn’t want Michael to go through with it.

“Come sit, talk to me, Alex, why are you really awake this early?” Liz said, placing their food on the table.

Alex sighed. “Like you said, still on military time.”

“No, that’s not the truth.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Maria.”

“And I know you, Alex. Weren’t you the one who told me I have to pay more attention to my friends?”

“I didn’t mean me.”

“Alex.” Liz had been getting the hang of Maria’s look, the one that said ‘I know you’re lying and you’re not getting away with it’.

“I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Are you still seeing the therapist?”

“No not- not about that, about uh… About Michael.”

“Michael?”

“I keep… I keep dreaming about him dying. Trying to save Max.”

Liz reached across the table for his hand, her eyes sympathetic. “Alex, I promise you, I will not let anything happen to him, Kyle will be monitoring him the whole time, we won’t let him go to far.”

Alex nodded, of course they wouldn’t, he trusted Liz, and he trusted Kyle.

“You sure that’s all?”

He should have known Liz would know that wasn’t the whole story. He just nodded again, and this time she accepted it, though he could see in her eyes she didn’t believe it.

* * *

Alex needed a drink. He never drank at The Wild Pony, not that he didn’t appreciate Maria’s bartending abilities, he just wasn’t a fan of the gruff, small town, cowboy atmosphere. He also liked the fact that going to one of the more touristy bars meant that no one he knew would be there to watch him drink. Or at least that was normally how it worked. Tonight he walked in to find Kyle waving at him from the bar.

“Alex, hey! Liz told me you usually drank here!”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here.” He said, flagging down the bartender and ordering his usual.

“I wanted to check in with you.”

“What for?”

Kyle shrugged. “Liz is worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s exactly what someone who isn’t fine would say.”

“What do you want, Kyle?”

“Come on, I thought we were getting somewhere with this friendship thing.”

“Not this far.” Alex muttered.

“I get it okay, if you’re not gonna tell Liz the full extent of what’s bothering you, you won’t tell me.”

“Exactly. Now can I drink in peace?”

Several hours later Alex was well and truly wasted and heading back to Kyle Valenti’s place, with Kyle Valenti. Sitting down on the floor against a cabinet in Kyle Valenti’s kitchen, with Kyle sitting next to him and offering him a bottle of whiskey.

“Come on, Alex… Tell me what’s wrong.” He said, his words slurring together.

“It’s Michael.”

“I’ll kill him.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Kyle sombered. “Alex, I was joking.” 

“No no, I know- I know that. But him dying, him seeing my father in me, him hating me. That’s what’s bothering me.”

“Have you told him? That’s what Liz told me, she said- she said that you gotta communicate.” He imitated Liz: “Good relationships require communication, Kyle.”

Alex gave a short laugh, then he darkened. “I can’t tell him.”

“Why not?”

“He wants… Simple. Uncomplicated.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to know how you’re feeling.”

“It does… It’s why he kissed Maria-”

“He kissed Maria?”

“Mhm, cause I was too much. I’m trying not to be too much.”

“That’s fucked, Alex, Michael loves you, you should talk to him.”

Alex shook his head, he felt so tired all of a sudden, he wished he was home, he wished he was with Michael.

“Mmm… Can’t.” He mumbled, his head falling onto Kyle’s shoulder and his eyes closing.

* * *

Alex could not remember the last time he woke up with a hangover. He also could not remember the last time he woke up on someone else’s couch. He vaguely remembered Kyle coaxing him into taking his jeans off to remove his prosthetic, carrying him to the couch, and draping a blanket over him.

“Morning sunshine.” Kyle handed him a glass of water. “You gonna throw up?”

Alex gratefully chugged the water. “No I’m okay.”

“Good, I made breakfast.”

“You didn’t have to.” Alex said, pulling on his sock.

“You remember much of last night?”

Alex groaned, standing up. “Bits and pieces.”

“You need to talk to Michael, this isn’t a healthy relationship.”

“It’s none of your business, Kyle.”

“Alex, seriously, I know you think you’re making Michael happy but, and as much as I don’t get along with the guy, I know Michael loves you, he wouldn’t want you hurting.”

“Thank you for breakfast, I’ll be going now.” Alex replied, grabbing the piece of toast he hadn’t eaten and standing up.

* * *

Alex tried to forget about his conversation with Kyle, what did Kyle know anyway, he didn’t know Michael at all. Apparently Kyle did not forget. Michael barged into his house that evening.

“Alex, will you please explain to me why Valenti came up to me today on the street and told me I wasn’t paying enough attention to you?”

“Fucking hell, I told him not to get involved.”

“So you did talk to him about me? Because he wouldn’t tell me what you said he just said I was being a shitty boyfriend!”

“No! I didn’t talk- I mean not really-”

“Not really?  _ Not really _ ? Alex, since when can you talk to Kyle Valenti more than you can talk to me?”

“I didn’t- I was drunk!”

Michael softened his voice, moving closer. “The other night, when I fell asleep in your lap and then you leapt up the moment I woke up, you were upset.”

“It was nothing.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Michael’s voice cracked, and Alex met his gaze to find his eyes full of tears. “Don’t you trust me?”

Alex’s breath rushed out of him like he had been kicked in the chest. “Of course I do, you know I do.”

“Then why? We can’t have a relationship if you don’t talk to me, Alex!"

“I didn’t want to bother- I thought you wanted simple, I thought you wanted-”

Michael grabbed his arms, pulling him close to press their foreheads together. “It doesn’t matter what I want, Alex! It doesn’t matter. If something is hurting you, it doesn’t matter what you think I want. I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy. I want those things above all else.”

Alex closed his eyes, feeling the hot tears spill down his cheeks anyway. He didn’t trust himself to speak, instead he fell forward to press his face into Michael’s shoulder and wrap his arms around his neck as Michael’s fell to his waist.

“I love you, Alex.” Michael pressed the words against Alex’s neck, into his skin. “I know I said I wanted simple, and I know you're trying to ease my burden, but that's not what I want. I want you. Including all the bits your would normally hide. I'm sorry.”

Alex shuddered, trying to regain control of his breathing, his fingers tightening in the hair at the base of Michael’s neck.

“I love you too.”

Michael pulled back slightly, reaching up and wiping Alex’s cheek with his thumbs.

“We’re going to talk about this. Not right now, because it’s late and you’re exhausted, but we will.”

Alex nodded, closing his eyes.

“Can I-” Michael’s voice was tentative, “I know we said no sleeping at each other’s places until we were ready but…”

“I’m ready.” Alex said quickly, opening his eyes. “Please don’t leave me alone.”

Michael let out a sigh of relief.

It was weird, getting ready for bed with Michael there, getting into bed with Michael with no intention of having sex, they hadn’t really done that before. 

Michael kissed him again, his hands running over Alex’s chest like he couldn’t quite believe he was there. Kissing Michael was always so different. Sometimes it felt like being punched in the gut, other times like being lit on fire. Tonight it felt like being wrapped in a blanket, held close, cared for, loved. Tonight he never wanted Michael to let go of him. And it didn’t feel like he was planning to.

“I love you.” He murmured. “Don’t you ever forget it, Alex, I love you. Please don’t shut me out.”

Alex smiled, his eyes dry for the first time since Michael got there, tucking himself behind Michael, wrapping his arm around his waist. He nosed at the back of Michael’s neck.

“I love you too.”

* * *

Alex woke to an empty bed. He felt that feeling, the hole, begin to creep in, until he noticed the sounds coming from the kitchen and the smell of bacon and eggs drifting into his room. Michael wasn’t gone. Of course he wasn’t gone. He put on his prosthetic and got up. Michael was cooking, he wasn’t even burning anything, it actually smelt… Really good.

“Should I be getting used to this?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

Michael grinned. “If you want.”

Alex paused, smiling to himself, Michael was planning on doing this again. Michael was planning on staying here again.

“Hey so uh, I was kinda hoping we could talk today. About what’s been going on with you.” Michael said, staring intently at the egg he was cooking.

Alex nodded, he knew it was coming, obviously, Michael had said they needed to talk about it, and he was right. They did. He just didn’t know where to begin. Michael served the food onto two plates and handed one to Alex.

“We don’t have to do it right now.” Michael offered, and Alex felt his chest tighten at the soft look in Michael’s eyes, it wasn’t like Alex hadn’t seen Michael look fondly at him, but… It had just been so long since he saw Michael look at him like that… Happily. Like it wasn’t hurting him to love Alex.

“No we can I just…” Alex sat down at the table with his food. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Kyle said you had told Liz something, if I recall correctly he referred to it as ‘the tip of the iceberg’ so… Why don’t you start there.”

Alex nodded, picking at his food. “So I’ve been having nightmares about… you.”

Michael’s eyes snapped up, panic evident in them. “You’re scared of me?”

“No!” Alex said quickly. “No, I’m… I’m scared of losing you.”

“Alex, I’m not going anywhere.”

Alex nodded. He knew that, intellectually he knew that, it still didn’t help when he woke up from a dream where Michael had died or left him to an empty house.

“What makes you think you’re gonna lose me?” Michael asked gently.

“I’ve been having nightmares of you… dying, while saving Max. And you flying off in your spaceship.” Alex was on a roll now and he wasn’t stopping. “And you telling me that all you saw in me was my father and you didn’t want me. You deciding I was too much effort and-”

Michael was standing and rounding the table, pulling Alex up and tugging him into a hug.

“None of those things are going to happen.” His voice was muffled against Alex’s shoulder. “I’m going to be careful. There’s no way I’d leave this planet without you. You are the opposite of your father and… and I love you, I’m sorry I… I’m sorry I let you think I ever stopped loving you.”

Alex tightened his arms around Michael’s waist. “It’s not your fault.”

“No it is.” Michael said, pulling back enough to wipe Alex’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s my fault you didn’t say anything and didn’t get any reassurance.”

“We suck at this.”

“Sure, doesn’t mean we can’t get better.”

“Yeah?” Alex laughed.

“Yeah.”

“So you’re not… You’re not leaving this planet without me, huh?”

Michael grinned, affection shining through his expression. “Couldn’t go anywhere without my captain.”

Alex laughed, and he felt so at ease, like they hadn’t just had that hard conversation. Everything about this was so unlike them. Everything with Michael had always been about avoiding hard conversations because everything fell apart when they had them, he had never felt at ease after talking to Michael.

* * *

Michael was being hooked up to Kyle’s monitoring devices, Liz was working on the silver solution, Rosa crouched behind her, and Isobel and Maria were talking quietly to each other in the corner, they had become good friends weirdly fast. Alex stood nervously next to Michael, eyeing the monitors, everyone was here, there was no way they would let Michael go to far, and Michael had promised him, he had promised he would stop at the first sign of trouble.

“I’m gonna be fine.” Michael said, reaching out for Alex’s hand. “I’m prepared, I know what I’m doing.”

Alex nodded, squeezing Michael’s hand before letting him go. “You’re gonna be fine.” 

Maria squeezed his shoulder. “Give them some space.”

He let her lead him away from Michael just as Liz reached a silver hand into the pod to grab Max.

“He’s gonna be fine.” She murmured, threading their fingers together and resting her head on his shoulder, Alex rested his head on hers. He was glad she was here, glad they were still friends, he wasn’t sure where he’d be without Maria DeLuca. 

She had always known him better than anyone, she knew how he was feeling sometimes even before he did and he wouldn’t want anyone else standing beside him in this moment. Maria knew exactly how to comfort him, how to keep him from falling into a spiral of panic. He looked over at her, squeezing her hand when she looked up at him with fear in her eyes. Michael was her friend too.

Liz pulled Max out of the pod, cradling his head on her lap. “We have to be quick, the longer he’s out here the harder it will be.”

Michael nodded, quickly moving into position, his eyes flicking up to meet Alex’s before he closed them and placed his hands on Max’s chest. In that second of a glance Alex knew it was going to be okay. He had expected to see guilt and sympathy in his eyes, an apology for being prepared to leave him, but there was only love. A promise of more to come, Michael wasn’t planning for this to be the end, Michael had no intention of leaving him. He nodded slightly, a split second communication between them.

Michael’s hands glowed and they all held their breath, time seemingly freezing for a moment as Michael winced with concentration. Watching him use this power, it wasn’t like when he moved things, it was different, it sucked the air out of the room. It felt like hours of steady beeping and static electric energy pulsing around them. It was tense, Liz’s fingers were clenched in Max’s hair, Alex saw a tear slip down her cheek, she needed this to work.

Max gasped and Kyle immediately pulled Michael back. Isobel was at their side in an instant, checking Michael over before turning to Max.

“Wait he needs more!” Michael yelled, reaching for Max again.

“Michael, no, you’re drained as it is, he’s alive, that’s all we needed.”

Alex pulled away from Maria, taking over for Kyle, holding Michael as Kyle made his way over to Max to check him. Liz pulled out a syringe, injecting it into Max’s arm, some kind of acetone mix to give him more strength.

“Max, Max look at me.” Liz said.

“Liz…” Max’s voice was raspy and quiet but it was there. “Rosa- Is Rosa…” 

Max tried to sit up and Liz pushed him back. Rosa knelt next to her sister and took Max’s hand.

“I underestimated you, Evans.” She said quietly.

Max relaxed back, breathing a sigh of relief.

“How… Who…?”

Michael waved from his spot against Alex’s chest.

“You’re welcome, bro.”

Kyle gave Max a clean bill of health, just making him promise to take it easy for the next week or so. Maria hugged Liz and Isobel and told them to call her in the morning then left. Liz and Isobel helped Max up and got him into Liz’s car, telling Michael to meet them later at Max’s place for a celebratory dinner. Leaving just Alex and Michael.

Alex couldn’t seem to loosen his grip on Michael, or move his hand from it’s spot on Michael’s chest right over his heart. Needing the reminder that they did it. Max was alive and Michael didn’t die in the process. Michael was almost sitting in Alex’s lap, his head turned to press into Alex’s neck, Alex could feel the exhaustion radiating off of him, tumbling around him.

“Can I nap at your place before we go to this dinner?” Michael asked. Alex stiffened.

“I don’t think I’m invited.”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Uh… It seemed like a family thing?”

Michael wedged himself closer on Alex’s lap. “And what do you think you are?”

It wasn’t a serious question but it threw Alex. He didn’t think he was anything much. Almost boyfriend didn’t seem like an actual label, but  _ family _ seemed impossible. Of course he had considered Michael his family for a long time. But he didn’t have many others, his blood family didn’t want anything to do with him these days and Maria and Liz were about as close as he got to having family.

Michael noticed Alex’s silence, sitting up in his lap and grabbing his chin.

“Don’t you dare tell me you don’t think I consider you family.”

“I just never…” Alex trailed off, not really having a defence.

“I love you.” Michael said, pressing a gentle kiss to Alex’s cheek. “Izzy loves you. Max will love you. You’re our family whether you like it or not.”

Alex lifted his head, kissing Michael, trying to press into it all the love he felt, how grateful he was for Michael. Michael kissed him back and it felt like a vow. Swearing to each other that they  _ were _ family, that no matter what happened they would never be alone again.

* * *

They went to dinner together, no one gave Alex a second glance, Michael had been right. Neither Max nor Michael looked particularly healthy but they were okay. They were laughing and eating and Alex was a part of it. For the first time in weeks Alex was really beginning to believe it was going to be okay. Michael was here to stay this time.

Michael came home with him. Barely letting Alex convince him to take his shoes and jeans off before falling into Alex’s bed. Alex took more time, going through the motions of getting ready for bed while Michael whined in the background, complaining that he was taking too long. Alex told him to just go to sleep but Michael said he didn’t want to go to sleep without Alex. It was so wildly domestic Alex wondered if he was dreaming. But Michael pegged his shoe at him after about 10 minutes of waiting for him, confirming that he was well and truly awake.

When Alex finally got into bed Michael latched onto him like a baby koala, not that Alex minded. He pulled Michael on top of him, Michael’s head resting on his chest, his legs wrapped around Alex’s, the heat of his body pressed tight to Alex’s right side.

“I love you.” He murmured, threading their fingers together. 

“I love you too.” 

Michael’s fingers traced gentle patterns across Alex’s chest. 

“I was angry at Max when he died.” He said quietly, Alex held him close, running his fingers through Michael’s hair the way he knew Michael liked. “I hadn’t wanted him to heal my hand for more reasons than just that you would ask questions. It had meant something to me. It was to remind me not to get too comfortable or trusting. To remind me there was no room for me here, nowhere I could call home.”

Alex’s arms tightened, his heart aching with the realisation that he had proved that right, he had left Michael behind. Michael had trusted him, made a home with him, and he had just up and left. No wonder Michael had kept something associated with him to remind him not to trust people.

Michael sat up, jolting Alex out of his thoughts. “Alex no. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

“I wasn’t-”

Michael straddled Alex’s thighs, holding his face and pressing his lips gently to Alex’s. “It wasn’t you.” He murmured, capturing Alex’s lips again. Even when he was tired Michael was an incredible kisser. He kissed like he was dying and Alex was his only source of air, it made Alex feel like the world was falling away, like he was the only person Michael had ever cared about.

“It wasn’t you.” Michael repeated, pulling back just enough to press their foreheads together. “I’ve had trust issues since Max and Isobel left without me. Probably even before that I just don’t remember. It is not your fault and I do not blame you.”

Alex sucked in a breath, trying to make himself believe it. He nodded, wanting Michael to continue. Michael begrudgingly accepted it and rolled back onto his side with his head on Alex’s chest.

“Anyway, when Max healed my hand I thought… I thought starting over meant I needed a clean slate. I needed to forget about the pain of my past, forget about you, about everything we had. But… I was wrong. Starting over never meant moving on from you, it meant reconnecting with you.”

Alex took Michael’s healed hand, pressing it to his lips. Understanding rushing through him. Alex had been there, convinced he needed a clean slate, running from his painful past. It had taken him a decade to realise that didn’t have to mean moving on from Michael, he couldn’t exactly fault him for taking a few months.

“I understand.” He said, shifting Michael off his chest and scooting down to meet his gaze. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He traced Michael’s eyebrow with his finger, sliding down the side of his face and resting his whole hand on Michael’s neck.

“Me too.” Michael murmured, pressing his whole body against Alex’s, any distance between them eliminated. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know.” Alex’s grip on Michael was light, for the first time believing those words.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm not super happy with it but I start school in 2 days and we all know I will not write anything while at school so here we are. I'm considering doing another part that focuses on Maria and Isobel bc I love enemies to lovers but as I said I'm starting school soon so we'll see.
> 
> title from divide by Bastille
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @girlsinthestars


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